Your Spouse Wants a Divorce – How to Rescue Your Marriage
March 23, 2023
Hi, I’m Kim Bowen. I’m the owner and the founder of The Marriage Place. I’m assuming because you’re the one here, that you want to save your marriage and your spouse is not interested in working on it, or maybe even has said they want a divorce.
Where You Are Today
You have probably heard things from your partner like, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” Or, maybe you’ve heard they never really loved you at all, they feel like they’ve settled, or that staying together for the kids is no reason to stay married. There are a lot of confusing messages out there, from your spouse, your family members and your friends, who are encouraging you to let go and move on, or who are guilting you into trying to stay and fix it.
There are also a lot of confusing messages in the professional world. I have trained with some of the most renowned marriage therapists in the field and many of them take the position that it takes two people who want to work on a marriage before it can be saved. I don’t believe it and I don’t believe it because I’ve lived it.
Many years ago I desperately wanted out of my marriage and my husband did not. It’s a story I’ve told many times. It’s on the website, on our YouTube channel, and I’ve even written an ebook about it. It’s not part of my past that I’m proud of, but I talk about it a lot because I want people to know that feelings change. What feels hopeless in the moment can become hopeful. I also want to get the message out there that ending a marriage is a big deal.
If my husband had given up when people told him to – and at least two therapists told him to give up as well – we wouldn’t be here now celebrating 33 years of marriage. In fact, we just got back from a trip where we both took a sabbatical and spent some quality time together. It was lovely. Now we look forward to being grandparents one day and sharing in our children’s milestones together. It wasn’t easy but it was all worth fighting for.
Working With Us
There are a lot of different programs out there and places where you can go to get help, but I want you to come here.
Why? Because we are different. Our approach to helping you save your marriage is counter-cultural to what you will find most places.
First, we believe a marriage can be saved when only one spouse wants to work on it. Not only do we believe it, we’ve seen it. I personally experienced this in my own marriage and we have seen many of our clients’ relationships turn from hopeless to hopeful.
Second, we know what works. We also know what doesn’t work. We are not going to tell you to buy your spouse lots of gifts and to try to engage them in sex to let them know you love them. We’re not going to tell you any of that because it doesn’t work. In fact, it works against you. Instead, we are going to help you focus on the one thing that does work and that you have complete control over – and that’s YOU and how you show up in the relationship.
You’ll learn when to be open and vulnerable and try to make some headway in getting your spouse reengaged. You’ll also learn when to practice self-respect by saying no and setting healthy boundaries. The idea is to be attractive again, and we can help you do that.
I wish I could guarantee you that your marriage will be saved, but I can’t. No one can. What I can promise you is that this work, and our approach, will be a win/win for you. You’ll either save your marriage or you will make yourself ready for healthier, happier relationships down the road in all areas of your life. You’ll also have the peace of mind knowing you’ve done absolutely everything you can do to save your marriage, which will save you regrets later.
What Will Your Story Be?
If you want to work on your marriage, do it.
It’s your family, your safe place, your connection, and it’s worth fighting for. A lot of these people who say you should just walk away and there’s no point in trying, aren’t ones who will have to live through the devastation and the loss created by divorce.
So before you listen to the other people who will steal the hope that you have for your relationship, I hope you’ll talk to us.
See if the work we do with our clients is a good fit for you.
If you are ready to get started or want more information, you can call us or set up a Free Discovery Call. You can ask questions and we can see if your situation is one we can help. If it is, we will get you with the right coach or counselor to help you in this journey. I hope you’ll check us out.
In the meantime, keep your head up and put hope in your heart because there is hope.
How healthy is your marriage?
ready to have a conversation?
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A lot of the therapy work I do is helping couples and partners understand what their contributions to the relationship are, and how they can start making changes for the better, specifically with communication. Specifically, when communicating with your spouse, it’s important to make sure that you are not part of the problem, but part of the solution.
I bet many of you have already seen the recent Brene’ Brown video making the rounds where she calls out the myth of marriage being a 50/50 partnership.
I get asked a lot how to save a marriage when one spouse is leaning out or is contemplating divorce. Everybody’s situation’s different, but what I’m seeing a lot lately is very concerning to me.
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