Signs of Divorce

When you think of a couple that is on the verge of divorce, most people think this is a couple that is always fighting. They are at each other’s throats. They are yelling. They are negative towards each other. And while yes, that is sometimes the case, it’s not necessarily always the truth.

Look for these signs.

What concerns me more is when a couple is no longer fighting. Instead, the fighting has been replaced by silence. There is avoidance. There is no conversation. There is numbing. They are no longer trying to fix the problem and instead have kind of accepted it as the way that it is. As a marriage counselor, these are the signs that are most alarming to me.

I would much rather have a couple in my office yelling and fighting because when you yell and you fight, it means that what the other person’s doing is not okay with you. It is crossing your boundaries and it matters to you. You care.

When it comes to the couple that doesn’t discuss issues or things in their marriage, that no longer inserts their feelings, that feels numb and feelings of hope are replaced with hopelessness, those are the clients who I feel may truly be on the verge of divorce without a concerted effort to change the trajectory of their marriage.

Don’t let your marriage become a divorce statistic.

Watch out for these behaviors in your relationship:

• If you’re no longer inserting or sharing your perspective
• If you no longer care much, or any, about what the other person thinks or feels
• If you’re preferring to spend your time alone rather than with your spouse

If this is you – and you don’t want your marriage to end -I would definitely seek some help, because the next step, statistically, would be divorce. When you’re numb to the issues, when neither of you is trying, working towards reconciliation, or when both of you have given into the idea that you’re hopeless, your marriage is at the most risk.

If you’ve read this and thought “This is my marriage”, let’s talk.

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