Feeling “Stuck” In Your Marriage? Here’s How to Get Out
July 19, 2022
How Marriages Get Stuck
I want to talk to you today about ways I see that marriages get stuck. Of course, all of us can get into patterns and into cycles, but some of the more common ones include, what I call “being in the courthouse.” Talking about who’s right and who’s wrong. Or somebody is being critical and the other one is getting defensive. Both of these things share a commonality – the both focus on what the other person is doing, whether it be right or wrong.
Put The Spotlight On Yourself
Shift your focus off of what your spouse is doing and instead put the spotlight on you. In what areas could you be doing better in the relationship? Change the only thing you can control – yourself and your behavior.
Communicate and Take Responsibility
And so as you think about trying to change this, think about sharing what it is you’re thinking about. What it is you’re feeling. Take responsibility for your own emotions. By doing this, it gives the other person a less offensive posture. Hope this helps.
How healthy is your marriage?
ready to have a conversation?
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The silent treatment is a pretty common response I see in couples therapy. It happens when you are so angry, disappointed, let down, and you don’t feel like you have any other way to let your partner know just how upset you really are.
A lot of the therapy work I do is helping couples and partners understand what their contributions to the relationship are, and how they can start making changes for the better, specifically with communication. Specifically, when communicating with your spouse, it’s important to make sure that you are not part of the problem, but part of the solution.
I bet many of you have already seen the recent Brene’ Brown video making the rounds where she calls out the myth of marriage being a 50/50 partnership.