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What every couple should know before they get married

by Kim Bowen | May 22, 2023 | Marriage, Premarital Counseling

What every couple should know before they get married May 22, 2023 Marriage can be a beautiful journey, but it isn’t always an easy one. Like most things in life that are worthy, a good marriage is something that we earn. We don’t just fall into it. If only it were...

Our counselors and coaches use research-proven methods. We help you address not only the symptoms but also the underlying root causes so you can experience long-term improvement in your relationship.

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Step 1 of 26

My spouse and I argue:*

Never

Rarely

Often

Sometimes

My spouse and I resolve arguements:*

Never

Rarely

Often

Sometimes

When I open up to my partner and share vulnerable feelings I mostly feel:*

My partner usually tries to understand me and I feel supported.

My partner often appears disinterested or doesn't seem to be listening.

My partner goes into “fix it” mode and gives me opinions or solutions.

I rarely open up to my partner.

My partner’s way of communicating is:*

Letting me know when something is bothering him/her and wanting to talk about it calmly.

Criticizing me. It always seems to be my fault.

Shutting down. I know he/she is upset but I can’t get them to re-engage.

I honestly don’t know what is going on inside my partner much of the time.

My spouse and I share common interests:*

A few

Many

None

When my partner and I spend time together or work on joint projects, we:*

Enjoy each other’s company and work well together for the most part. We like a lot of the same hobbies.

Don’t really enjoy the same things but we sometimes make the effort to share each other’s hobbies or chores.

Don’t agree on what to do or how to do it so we usually argue.

We rarely spend time alone together.

When my partner and I have conflict we:*

Usually, respect each other’s opinions even when we don’t agree and usually find a compromise.

Things may get heated but we usually come to an understanding and repair any damage we’ve done in getting there.

Stay stuck in disagreement with one or both of us feeling angry, hurt, and resentful.

We don’t have conflict anymore because one or both of us has given up or caves in to keep the peace.

In our views on important issues (money, parenting, religion), my partner and I:*

Usually agree. We share common morals, values, and ethics.

Often disagree but we work out a solution that satisfies us both.

Rarely agree and we fight a lot.

We don’t discuss important issues.

When I share ideas/concerns with my partner:*

I feel respected and heard. I can tell my partner anything.

I sometimes feel my partner does not have my best interests in mind.

I don’t trust my partner to keep what I say private between the two of us.

I don’t share ideas or concerns with my partner.

I feel judged and criticized by my partner:*

Rarely.

Occasionally.

Often.

My partner and I show each other affection by holding hands, being playful, hugging, or cuddling:*

Rarely.

Occasionally.

Often.

Sex with my partner is:*

A strong connection even if we don’t have as much time or energy for it as we would like.

Satisfying even if a little routine.

Something we fight about a lot because we have different levels of desire.

Non-existent.

Trust in my relationship is:*

Rock-solid. My partner is the safest place in the world.

Sometimes a problem but we work through it.

There are certain issues where I cannot trust my partner at all.

I feel angry, annoyed, or suffocated by my partner’s wants or desires:*

Rarely.

Occasionally.

Often.

I feel my partner has to have his/her own way and there isn’t much room for negotiation:*

Rarely.

Occasionally.

Often.

I wonder if I married the right person:*

Rarely.

Occasionally.

Often.

I worry if my partner loves or respects me:*

Rarely.

Occasionally.

Often.

Have you ever thought about leaving your spouse?*

Never

It's crossed my mind a few times

All the time

I feel my partner has to have his/her own way and there isn’t much room for negotiation:*

Rarely.

Occasionally.

Often.

Our fights are escalating and I worry that things are getting out of control:*

Rarely.

Occasionally.

Often.

My partner is physically and/or emotionally abusive:*

Rarely.

Occasionally.

Often.

My partner has an addiction that is not being treated successfully:*

True.

False.

I am often disappointed and sometimes I get angry when my expectations are not met:*

Rarely.

Occasionally.

Often.

I feel very anxious if my partner is upset or annoyed with me and I try hard to keep the peace:

Rarely.

Occasionally.

Often.

Has your spouse expressed that they want out?*

Yes

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Out of hours? Leave a voicemail and we’ll call you back on the next business day.