Playing the blame game is poisonous

Blame is poisonous for personal growth because it allows you to keep the focus on someone else.

Even worse, it forces you in a victim position because you can’t control the person you are blaming. That means you have no control over the painful situation and keeps you stuck.

Blame is poison for relationships because it keeps emotions heightened and keeps destructive patterns in place.

It builds resentment and negative sentiments and before long, you want out.

Refusing to blame others forces you to be accountable for your situation and allows you the opportunity to resolve it.

Most of us are guilty of blaming occasionally but some of us have earned a Ph.d in the blame game.

Your first step to stopping this behavior is becoming aware when you are blaming. It might not be as obvious as you think.

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Why it’s easy to play the blame game in an unhappy marriage

It is so easy to blame an unhappy marriage on a partner who is disengaged or acting out inappropriately. Maybe he is having an affair. Maybe she is spending all the money or criticizing your every move.

If you are unhappy in your marriage, ask yourself,

“What am I allowing?” or “How am I self-sabotaging?”

Instead of blaming, learn where and how to set limits. Not to control your spouse but to have your own back. It may mean you tell your spouse that if a certain behavior doesn’t stop you are putting the marriage on hold. But more often than not, smaller limits can be way more effective.

Stop blaming and start confronting the only person you have any control over–YOU.

Dr. Brene Brown on Blame

Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past thirteen years studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame.

Brene shares this short animation video which is a little self-deprecating and quite humorous look at blame and how it even creeps in to our early morning coffee. Watch and tell us what you think.