Kim Bowen is a Licensed Professional Counselor who founded and owns The Marriage Place Counseling Center in Dallas, Texas.
I hate divorce. I mean…I really, really hate divorce. Marriage is risky business. Divorce is a real threat to EVERYONE who says “I do.” I realized “everyone” included me when I almost lost my own marriage. I married my best friend more than 25 years ago. I knew then that half of all marriages fail, but I thought I would never be on the wrong side of that equation. We had the kind of marriage our friends wished they had. Until one day, we didn’t.
Looking back, I still don’t know when things started going wrong. It was so gradual neither of us noticed. But there actually came a day when I looked at my husband and realized that I didn’t even like him anymore, much less love him. I said those fated words that make me cringe when I hear them today: “I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore.”
When I said those words to my husband, I believed them. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I didn’t want to live with him anymore either. We tried marriage counseling several times over the years, and it never worked for us. All the failed attempts to makes things better only re-enforced my belief we were done.
Fast forward a few years…and I’m more in love with my husband now than ever before. What changed? Both of us changed! But things didn’t get better until I stopped focusing on everything my husband wasn’t giving me and focused instead on what I could do to clean up my side of the street. I had to look at some hard things about myself I didn’t like but the end result was so worth the pain. We are now connected again on a deep emotional level. I learned so much about boundaries and how my self-esteem was affecting my marriage. I learned that loving my husband was a choice I could make, even when I didn’t like him all that much.
If you are in a marriage that feels distant, I hope you believe me when I tell you it isn’t hopeless. If your spouse is telling you that he or she wants a divorce, it doesn’t mean that it’s time to give up. It means it is time to get serious about saving your marriage.
My mission is to change the way people view love and marriage. I’m taking a stand, because I’ve lived it, and I know there is hope even when it feels hopeless. I want to show you how you can fall in love with your spouse again…even when you think there is nothing left. I want to help you re-engage your spouse even when you are the only one trying. And, I want to teach you how to divorce-proof your marriage, so you never have to go through the horrible pain of that particular loss.
You don’t have to settle when you say “I do.” Having a great marriage isn’t a great mystery. Let us show you how.