How To Rekindle A Relationship

April 18, 2022

10 Easy Ways To Rekindle A Relationship With Your Spouse

Even the best relationships have dry spells of disconnection but it is important to take notice during these times and be intentional in your efforts to reconnect. Life gets busy and you get tired but rekindling the spark doesn’t have to require as much effort as you may think. Here are some easy ways to put some life back into your relationship.

1. Make eye contact. Couples who sit in my office often cannot maintain eye contact when speaking to one another. That’s because looking into someone’s eyes is intimate and that’s why it is often uncomfortable for couples who are struggling. You can significantly bump up levels of passion and love by holding your partner with your eyes. You get extra bonus points if you can do this while making love. Try it and you can thank me later.

2. Share your mutual love of something together. When you both gush over your love for your kids it increases your love and appreciation for each other. In fact, some experts say you can fall in love again with someone just by sharing a mutual love of something or someone else. Your kids or grandkids, a new puppy, a trip to someplace you love to explore. Sharing these experiences together will increase your happiness with each other.

3. Cuddle time. Skin to skin contact releases a very powerful bonding chemical, oxytocin. Something as small as holding hands will trigger your brain to pump you both full of chemicals that increase your feelings of attraction and attachment. Don’t just sit in the same room when binging on Netflix. Snuggle up and cuddle.

4. New experiences. It is so easy to get into the same boring routines. You eat the same meals at the same restaurants and your couple time is watching tv in the same room. Shake things up just a bit. One couple I worked with tried a different restaurant every month. Cook something new together. Buy bikes and go on rides. On a larger scale, travel someplace you haven’t been before. New adventures will increase your levels of happiness and satisfaction. Try it!

5. Find a workshop, retreat or conference that is geared towards helping couples feel connected. A marriage getaway experience will help you focus on your relationship and see each other in a different way. Nowadays, you can find several online so you don’t even have to leave your house but finding one with a beach or mountain location will satisfy two ways to rekindle love. See #4.

6. Remember the good old days. Reminiscing is a great way to get the heart softening for each other again. Watch your wedding video together or browse through the wedding album. Look at old photos. Read the cards or letters you sent each other back when your love was new and intense. Pour some red wine, grab some chocolate and settle in for a trip down memory lane. Because I love both wine and chocolate, I recommend DeBrands truffle collection you can find here paired with a smooth red wine.

7. Take a shower together. No sex required but bonus points if it happens. 🙂 Even better, soak in a hot bubble bath together with a glass of chilled white wine and light some candles. Download conversation starters from here and have fun exploring your partner’s mind and body.

8. Take your cup of morning coffee outside on the patio/porch together. Just a change of scenery can turn the ordinary into something….well…..less ordinary. Adventure can be found in your own backyard.

9. Read these books to each other. Out Loud

She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman (Kerner)

He Comes Next: The Thinking Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man

10. Participate in the Japanese art of Naikan reflection. This is a powerful tool that will help each of you develop a deeper sense of gratitude for the other as you contemplate how much you give and receive daily. Each of you will answer the following 3 questions. 

*What have I received?
*What have I given?
*What troubles or difficulties have I caused?

Here is a brief explanation of the exercise as well as a worksheet to help guide you. 

Relationships are always changing and they need care and attention. Sometimes it will require you reaching out and taking the initiative to light the spark. I hope you enjoy trying some of these ideas and you find new ways to connect with your partner. 

How healthy is your marriage?

ready to have a conversation?

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