Your Relationship Focus
January 20, 2021
I read this today.
It’s easy to spot a red car when you’re looking for a red car.
It’s easy to spot an opportunity when you’re always thinking of opportunity.
It’s easy to spot reasons to be mad when you’re always thinking about being mad.
You become what you constantly think about. Watch yourself.
And it’s true. It’s also true in the context of your spouse and for your relationship.
If you are always thinking about the flaws of your spouse, you will absolutely find them.
If you are always looking for and dwelling on what’s wrong in your relationship, it will be easy to spot those things as well. After all, every marriage is flawed, even the best ones.
When you are consumed with all the negatives, you’ll make yourself miserable. You’ll be restless. And things will feel hopeless.
You’ll also be blinded to the possibilities.
Shifting your focus
I’m not saying to ignore the issues in your marriage. At all.
I’m saying let’s address them.
For some of you, this may mean some really tough decisions loom ahead. You may be in an abusive relationship and addressing it may mean leaving to focus on the health and healing possibilities outside of that abusive relationship.
For most of you however, I’m asking you to look inward, and to shift your focus to what your relationship can be rather than necessarily what it is now. Spend your energy and brain power focused on the good in your relationship and the dream of what you can do to make it better. Spend it focused on what your spouse does right and what attracted you to him/her originally – even though the negatives are still there too. Spend it on the parts of your life and your relationship that you want to grow and develop.
And then do something about it to make it a reality. That’s where my team can help.
How healthy is your marriage?
ready to have a conversation?
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KIM BOWEN is a licensed professional counselor who offers relationship therapy through her company, The Marriage Place. Her blogs and newsletters have been featured in various publications and she is the author of the