WHY WOULD MY MARRIAGE COUNSELOR TELL US TO CALL IT QUITS?September 18, 2014
Katy showed up in my office in tears. She had been trying to get her husband to go to marriage counseling for months. He finally agreed and they went to see someone locally who was referred to them by a friend. In their first meeting, her husband told the counselor he was only staying in a miserable marriage because of their kids. The counselor told him kids were never a good reason to stay in a marriage. Her husband moved out the next week.
Unfortunately, I hear stories like this frequently. And it makes me angry. It should make you angry too. You finally get the courage to show up and spill your guts to a “professional” only to be told your marriage can’t be saved or even worse, shouldn’t be saved.
No one can or should tell you if your marriage is worth saving. No expert is an expert on YOU. But oftentimes clients will ask a counselor to weigh in on this and sadly, many will.
I get emails every week asking me if I know of any counselors in someone’s local area who have our same approach to relationships. A vast majority of the time, I cannot help them this way. And while we do offer long distance coaching and face-to-face couples intensives, counseling is sometimes what is needed most. So to help you choose the right counselor, I’ve listed a few tips you can follow.
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Most of us are spending more time than ever with our kids and spouses and tensions are rising. As therapists and coaches, we are seeing your struggles. We are also dealing with the same stressors in our own homes. The people we live with are getting on our nerves and we don’t always handle it the way we should. Many of us are apologizing almost daily for the things we’ve said or the ways in which we’ve said them.
Can you laugh at yourself? I mean really laugh at yourself when you make a mistake or do or say something silly? What about when your spouse or friends tease you in a good-natured way? Are you able to laugh then?
When it comes to marriage, free speech is essential. You should be able to be honest with your spouse, to express your opinions without constantly filtering them. That freedom allows us to really connect with one another. It’s part of the trust that we need to feel safe and secure in our relationships.