There is a lot to consider.
Should you go? Can you afford to divorce? The average costs in the US for a divorce today is somewhere just under $20,000. I’ve heard of people doing it for much less but only if everyone agrees on the details and lawyers are absent or minimally involved. I’ve also seen divorces cost more than $300,000.
Can you support yourself outside of the marriage? Some states require spousal support and child support which can take a huge chunk from your paycheck. If you are a stay-at-home parent, you may need to find a full-time job and childcare.
What about the kids? How will a divorce affect them? Even in the best case scenarios, kids are typically devastated by the news. You may want to consider counseling for them. Can you bear to live without them for long periods of time during court-ordered visitations?
What about your couple friends? Will they stay, go or side against you? The same question applies to some family members.
Then again…should you stay? What if your spouse doesn’t change? What will your life look like in 5 years? 10 years?
Is it worth staying in a marriage in which you aren’t happy just to avoid the consequences of leaving?
Can you make the changes YOU need to make so you can be happy in your marriage? For most couples in this situation, it means setting appropriate boundaries and limits on your spouse. This is hard work. Are you up for it?
What about marriage counseling? Maybe you’ve tried it…even several times….and nothing worked. Should you go to marriage counseling if you aren’t even sure you want to stay married?
I have good news for you. Power of Two is now doing Discernment Counseling. We know going to marriage counseling when you are in this place is oftentimes confusing, frustrating and defeating for everyone involved, including your therapist! This may even be the reason counseling hasn’t worked for you in the past. Discernment Counseling is specifically geared to respect your reasons for not wanting to stay married while helping you consider the possibilities. You won’t feel pressured to go on date nights or talk to your spouse about the relationship. We know you aren’t in the place to do that.
At the same time, we work with your spouse to help him/her come to terms with where you are. We help both of you figure out how your marriage got to its present place and how each of you contributed to the problem. We help you see if there is any way to improve things and if the marriage is worth fighting for.