What should you do if you are concerned about your relationship but your spouse refuses to come to counseling? We get asked this question almost every day! People call us and are feeling trapped. They want to make things better but feel hopeless because their spouse doesn’t seem to see the urgency, or worse, they just don’t want to work on it.
If this is your situation, I have very good news! You don’t need your spouse to come to counseling for you to improve your marriage! Sometimes clients find this hard to believe, but I PROMISE you…I’ve helped save many marriages working with only one partner. In fact, if your spouse doesn’t want to come with you, forcing him/her with coercion, guilt or threats of leaving will do much more harm than good. A spouse who shows up under those circumstances is often resistant to counseling and doesn’t want to do the homework. They end up resenting me and you! This just causes more trauma to your marriage and increases your feelings of hopelessness. But leaving things the way they are isn’t the answer either. You know if your relationship is heading for trouble. Research shows the average couple waits 6 years before getting professional help and by that time, there is a lot of damage to overcome. I wonder if it takes that long because someone waits for the other to be ready.
Wonder how it works to do couples counseling with just one of you?
Let’s say I asked you to go home tonight and do or say something to put your spouse in a bad mood. Would you know how to do that? I know exactly how to push my husband’s buttons (and he knows how to push mine). I can’t control his actions, but I sure know how to influence him. Now, if I use my powers of influence for evil, we are going to have a really bad evening. By the same token, if I use my powers of influence for good, we have a fair shot at having a great evening!
That’s a simplistic explanation for the process we use, but think about it…as we deal with our partners over time, especially when things haven’t been going well, we often find ourselves reacting to them. We expect them to react to us. Once we change this dynamic, magic happens. Things start to improve and your spouse starts to respond more positively. I’ve seen entire marriages turn around when ONE PERSON begins to act differently.
If your spouse doesn’t want to work on the relationship, don’t pressure him/her to come to counseling with you. Simply call us at 972-441-4432, email us or book an appointment online here. We will help you change your marriage even if you are the only one working.
Do you live outside of the Dallas area? No worries! Our coaches are trained in solution focused techniques and will be happy to work with you over the phone. Give us a call!